Whether you’re alone or with a partner, this time of lockdown offers many opportunities for a better sex life.
This pandemic is impacting all aspects of life, and with that, comes sex and intimacy. Some people are experiencing a lack of sexual drive while others are “masturbating and having more sex than ever.” Porn production and consumption are on the rise, and so might be divorce once the quarantine is over (if China is any indication).
Regardless of your personal situation, the good news is that there’s a vast range of solutions online that can help you create deeper intimacy, amplify pleasure and bring more playfulness into your life. From free workshops by sex and relationship icon Esther Perel to hundreds of articles, online events, sex-positive porn, and “sacred communal masturbation rituals.”
These are four key points that can help you navigate these times.
Be Kind in Your Communication
Many fears and neurosis are constantly on the surface during these trying times. You may find yourself arguing more with a partner or family member, or feeling trigged by little comments like “make sure you wash your hands” or “stop touching your face.” While they may feel controlling at the moment, they come from a place of care.
Intimacy teacher Michaela Boehm recommends to “orient ourselves towards generosity and kindness.” Instead of reacting quickly each time you are triggered, try to remember that we are all experiencing collective trauma, responding with kindness is a way to help one another. Or, as Esther Perel suggests, try to compliment the person, not just thank them for what they do. For example, instead of saying, “thank you for cleaning the kitchen,” say “that was very thoughtful of you.”
Be Curious in Your Relationships
This is a great opportunity to get to know those you love or those you are starting to know in more intimate ways. Check out the New York Times-developed 36 questions to fall in love, the Proust questionnaire, or the 11 questions from Tim Ferris’ Tribe of Mentor.
You may find yourself rekindling the flame in your current relationship or creating a solid foundation in new ones. On the days you or your partner are feeling more tense or sad, try these questions that Boehm suggests can foster more compassionate communication.
Use Your Imagination to Amplify Pleasure
Esther Perel talks about how this experience is giving us a “unique opportunity to engage and reconnect with our imagination.” We may feel trapped or be far away from others’ physical touch, but our imagination can transcend physical distance.
Perel describes that while you may not enter their bodies, you “can enter their erotic minds.” What if you use this time to re-engage and go deeper into your fantasies? What if you spend more time creating erotic plots in your minds? What if you allow space to explore what desires have been hiding behind your taboos or regular routines?
There are many online events, sex-tech, and apps that allow you to explore intimacy, sexuality, and pleasure in the safety of your home. On Eventbrite alone, there are over 450 events under the category of “self-pleasure.”
If you want science-backed coaching and tailored lessons, try Coral, a new sex app that helps “eradicate boredom in the bedroom, improve performance, and increase desire.” They have a paid premium version, but the free version offers plenty of insights and inspiration.
Or if you want to spice your life through “porn-cliche free” videos, visit Make Love Not Porn, where members upload “consensual, contextualized and real” sex-positive videos of themselves.